using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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