Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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