I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I touched a dick in church today
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
