we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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