I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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