I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
