y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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