It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
