So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
