Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
