Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
