what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
