hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
