Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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