I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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