i jhust puked up my retainher.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
