yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
