I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
