I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
