Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
