You smell like a Billy Joel song
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
