my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
