Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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