I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
