The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
