what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
