I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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