After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
