I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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