Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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