so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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