just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
