My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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