how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
