genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So many bounce houses so little time
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
