somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
