it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
