my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
