I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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