i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
