she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
