I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
