I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you win again, gameday.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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