he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
