they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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