Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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