Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Green mimosas i think yes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
