also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
