He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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