I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
