none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
