wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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