i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
