turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
