i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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